Random Thoughts

Sometimes in my stream-of-consciousness sort of way, I have too many things on my mind, so I have to write some down to get them out of my brain. One thing is that, here at the BYU the school is closed on Memorial Day as far as classes and such though the library is open. Keeping that in mind, it is a holiday to celebrate the lives of those who have served in the nation's armed forces. So why, then, if that is the purpose of the holiday, is the US flag not flying outside the administration building? What on earth? Granted, I'm one of those people who doesn't stop in his tracks when the national anthem starts playing across campus, but even I think it's a bit odd that the flag isn't flying on a holiday such as this.

Secondly, I am so freaked out about moving to Boston. I am excited, don't get me wrong, but I am terrified about moving since I don't yet have a place to live and I am still trying to figure out how things work. In other words, I'm sort of wussy where that is concerned. But I have been much more active in my search for an apartment as of late and may have found one that I am interested in.

Third is my recital. I want it to be over now. It still isn't scheduled though I have a lesson tomorrow where hopefully we can move forward with plans and such. I feel like I am so close but at the same time it feels like that paradox where you always halve the distance to the finish line but therefore never actually make it because you can never reach it by halving the distance. Sigh...

Fourth, I am still mourning the loss of my dog Sadie. She is quite possibly the sweetest animal to ever walk the earth. She was a darling little girl and I am sad she is gone. While I have not yet been home for the summer to visibly note her absence, I can already feel it. She apparently either had some kidney failure or a tumor that was causing fluid buildup in her system and the only thing they could do wouldn't have helped much at all, so she was put to sleep a little less than two weeks ago. I was fortunate that I was able to say goodbye to her over the phone before she died, even if she had no idea who I was or what I was saying to her (I'd like to think she knew it was me).

Fifth, I miss my little Ms June, our other dog. She is my favorite to be around at home because she always wants me to rub her tummy when I see her and she sleeps with me at night. She's quite the goof ball, but I love her all the same. I guess that really is a cover for the more general complaint in that I just want to go HOME!!! I've been in Provo almost nonstop since January (excluding my weekend in Boston for my audition) and I would like to see my folks. Granted, they will come for my recital when it happens, but I like the carefree environment of my home and would like to get back there.

I think that's all I really was thinking about lately, at least as far as the negatives. I just feel a bit too stressed lately due to unfinished stuff, but it's coming along. Seriously, though, cannot wait to get done with my recital. We'll find out tomorrow how it's coming, though. Fingers crossed.

Inspired by a Diva

So I have long been a huge fan of the soprano Renée Fleming. Her artistry has made even the worst days in my life manageable because her voice is a thing of beauty that I believe to be the pinnacle of vocal art. While I wish I could meet her (and I missed my chance when she was in Boston the same weekend I was [damn not having money for a ticket]), I recently had an opportunity to learn from her experiences in the music world.
I read a book entitled "The Inner Voice: The Making of a Singer". This book is in essence a memoir that devotes itself to the ups and downs in the life of Ms. Fleming. From her early years to her college studies to her career, with all the bumps in the road that you could expect from trying to be a professional musician. Just seeing how much she struggled to develop a proper voice (originally not being able to sing in high registers at all), learn how to audition successfully, maintain a healthy relationship with her daughters, and still struggle like most people in a hectic career helped me see a lot of what sorts of struggles I am facing in my own life. Granted, I don't have kids (nor will I) or a career (yet), but seeing how many times she fell and picked herself back up gave me the hope and determination I need to push forward. I am currently working on giving my senior recital, but I have been in a slump lately due to my frustration at not having given it yet. I have tried everything I know in order to re-motivate myself, but to no avail. Then I read this book. Her straight-forwardness was refreshing. She didn't try and sound like she was Goddess of Song, but she wasn't afraid to say exactly how much work she really had to put into her voice and her personality to get where she is today. Having read it, I am even more determined 1. to meet her someday and 2. work on this recital in earnest.
Who knew that a diva, a prima donna, can be a real person? But she is very much a normal woman. And she's funny, she doesn't take herself too seriously, and she has a good time doing what she does. I admire that and hope that I can be like that someday. Because a performance is not the end of the world, as she expresses she has learned since having children. So now I am determined to succeed, and all thanks to one incredible woman not being afraid to open up and share an incredible story that shows that perseverance is key to being a happy professional musician.

Everyone else is saying

So I should officially post on here that I have been accepted to the Longy School of Music for this Fall, so I am really excited about it indeed. I actually found out over a week ago, but again, with no computer of my own at present, I have forgotten to post something about it until now. So YAY! It will be fun to get out there and try something new. I am really looking forward to this.

In other news, with tomorrow being April Fool's Day, my friends and I are staging a fun day with the school's carillon (aka the bell tower). So if you are out and about on campus on the hour tomorrow, be sure to listen for weirdness. We are very excited for it, and I hope that people will appreciate the humor. And if you don't appreciate it, then too bad for you. I've been wanting to do this for years and finally put something together to do so. Enjoy!

A Shame when I have no Computer

So yeah, looking at this, I see that it has now been 3 weeks SINCE my audition at the Longy School of Music. I think it went relatively well, but it is always hard to tell. I am not going to find out anything for at least another week, and that is probably going to kill me. I just want to have my life planned out a bit. However, it won't happen until I hear back from the school. Sigh... That's actually honestly been the only thing on my mind for the past almost-month. So if I don't suffer a stroke or heart attack from the stress of waiting, I will probably write something on here regarding my audition results. Until then, maybe I'll just binge on Diet Dr Pepper... Oh wait...

2 1/2 weeks and counting

OK, so I now have 2 1/2 weeks before my audition at the Longy School of Music in Cambridge. I am really nervous about it all, but I am also looking forward to meeting professors and such. I have been working hard to get my audition pieces together so that I don't suck when I get there. Wow... I think that I have picked good music that really speaks to me and will let them know that I am serious about my music. I am playing the Toccata from the Toccata & Fugue in D minor (NOT the famous one everyone overplays) by JS Bach. It is piecing together quite nicely since I started looking at it in earnest these past few weeks. I am also planning on playing the final section of the Grande Piece Symphonique by Cesar Franck. That piece is a behemoth, but it is still one of my favorite pieces for the organ that I can see myself performing for the rest of my life. Finally, it is a toss-up between a Chorale Prelude by Hubert Parry or the opening of the Fantasia in F minor by Leroy Robertson. I'll have to check with my professor and possibly the Longy professors to see if the Parry is different enough style- and period-wise from Franck to play, otherwise it's the Robertson. Anyway, I am expecting good things to happen and I am really looking forward to getting out there and seeing the place that I have been in love with for almost a year. I am also excited to see my friends Dan and Michael who just recently moved up there. And Renee Fleming is performing with the Boston Symphony that weekend, so I might try and save up and go see her. She's performing the Vier Letzte Lieder (Four Last Songs) by Richard Strauss. They are some of the most gorgeous pieces of music in the world, and she is by far my favorite interpretor of the work. Anyway, enough of all that. I still have two weeks here before I go, so I need to stay focused and just practice hard. Lots to do, so let's not dilly-dally. We'll see soon how it all turns out. (Fingers and toes are all crossed for luck, and my front teeth [but I can't help that one...])

2010, like 2009 only less sucky

So I wanted to report that I have experienced vast improvement in my academic and personal life over the past several weeks. I have recently returned to BYU for my final semester, and I have so far only missed 1) the first day of class, since I was en route at the time and 2) one additional class period of my MWF 8am class. I am already doing so much better than I was. It feels as if the past year or so was a blanket of fog. I couldn't see any way through or around, but now that I'm out of it, everything seems so much prettier and peaceful than they had been in the fog. I mostly thank my new dosages of medication for helping me through. Also, I have wonderful friends and a wonderful family, all very supportive and wonderful people that I love deeply. Aside from next month when I will be in Boston auditioning for graduate school, I intend to not miss any classes from now til the end of the semester. And I think I finally have the tools necessary to ensure that it happens. And this time next month I can feel good about myself for having practiced more and getting things done, and giving a great audition. Anyway, that's all I have to say, since it is getting late and I'm tired from being up since 7am... Oh well, academia isn't easy, you know.

Ummm...

So the past few weeks have definitely not been the best weeks of my life. Not even close... But, life is slowly moving on, and I think that things are falling together in a good enough way that I am not feeling an urge to jump off the nearest cliff. I had to withdraw from two of my classes that I was not getting caught up in. One of these classes will not be offered again until Fall 2011, and let's face it: I'm not willing to stick around for that. After discussing options with both organ professors, I decided to look into the idea of leaving BYU with a near-complete BM and then complete the one class at another school (again, Longy). So basically I would be concurrently doing my BM and MM. I asked this school if they would accept that, and then the Director of Admissions said that they could work with me on that. That really made me happy. If all else fails, I will just grab my BA in Music and call it good. But if Longy will accept me with an incomplete degree and I finish after I've left, then I would consider myself incredibly blessed. The Longy School has really come to fit the bill of what I am looking for. Every time I think that I'm gonna lose my chance, something else comes up. It's almost as if I am meant to go there. Whether or not that holds up in the end mostly depends on how my audition goes in February, but I still have a really good feeling about the school. So even though my life seems to be a constant hell (a march through hell with a man strapped to your back and nasty litter of babies dangling from your teeths, to quote Gertrude Moon [Frasier]), I feel that there is still progress in my life. I also have very supportive professors who are trying to help me get through all of this, despite my personal problems. I am grateful for them, and I will certainly miss them after I've left. I just need a change of scenery and a fresh start elsewhere. So, in about 2 1/2 months from now, I will be in Boston, auditioning at the school of my dreams. Let's hope that I can get my things pulled together before then. So listen up Mr. Franck. I'm gonna get you, and your little 'Grande Pièce Symphonique' too!