One Thing Still Missing

When I first went home to Georgia following my medical debacle during my church service assignment, I was not in good shape. Besides the obvious mental disaster occurring, I was not eating and I was just not in the mood to ever do anything. The biggest and scariest part was I had absolutely no desire to play the piano/organ/musical instruments...It was very saddening, both to myself as an avid musician and to my parents who knew how much joy it used to give me. I think it was at least a month and a half after switching to new medications before I even sat down at the bench and played one little piece. During the three or four months between my return home and that day, I could hardly stand being in the same room as that piano, and it was sad. Fortunately, with time, I got back into the swing of things and picked up where I had left off. Much happiness was had (and there was much rejoicing).
Unfortunately, that was not to last. This past semester, in which I again found myself in ruins, I noticed that one thing that resulted was my lack of desire and interest in performing music. That hurt. I hated going into the practice rooms cuz it made me sick at my stomach, and I hated my lessons even more because I had to play in order to get a grade. That was even worse.
I know authors/composers get writer's block, and I'm sure artists have similar woes, but what do you call it when a performer can't perform? Musician's block? Whatever it is, it sucks. Music performance is nothing without the "heart" and "soul" of a performer. I put those in quotations since I lack such things anyway...Either way, emotions and passion make music what it is, and I have noticed that I have felt no such passion for about 6 months now. I recently changed medications again (see last post), and now I am hoping that, given time, I will rekindle that desire to perform. I love the organ; it is the King of Instruments. I love to play, but I am just out-of-touch right now...It is the one thing still missing from my recent depression episode that I want back. I am hoping that, after my vacation in Georgia over the next couple of weeks, I will be able to start again. I have plans for the future, and I won't let illness stop me now! Music performance is joyous because of the love that the performer/s have for it. I want it back, and I will have it. So help me.