Ummm...

So the past few weeks have definitely not been the best weeks of my life. Not even close... But, life is slowly moving on, and I think that things are falling together in a good enough way that I am not feeling an urge to jump off the nearest cliff. I had to withdraw from two of my classes that I was not getting caught up in. One of these classes will not be offered again until Fall 2011, and let's face it: I'm not willing to stick around for that. After discussing options with both organ professors, I decided to look into the idea of leaving BYU with a near-complete BM and then complete the one class at another school (again, Longy). So basically I would be concurrently doing my BM and MM. I asked this school if they would accept that, and then the Director of Admissions said that they could work with me on that. That really made me happy. If all else fails, I will just grab my BA in Music and call it good. But if Longy will accept me with an incomplete degree and I finish after I've left, then I would consider myself incredibly blessed. The Longy School has really come to fit the bill of what I am looking for. Every time I think that I'm gonna lose my chance, something else comes up. It's almost as if I am meant to go there. Whether or not that holds up in the end mostly depends on how my audition goes in February, but I still have a really good feeling about the school. So even though my life seems to be a constant hell (a march through hell with a man strapped to your back and nasty litter of babies dangling from your teeths, to quote Gertrude Moon [Frasier]), I feel that there is still progress in my life. I also have very supportive professors who are trying to help me get through all of this, despite my personal problems. I am grateful for them, and I will certainly miss them after I've left. I just need a change of scenery and a fresh start elsewhere. So, in about 2 1/2 months from now, I will be in Boston, auditioning at the school of my dreams. Let's hope that I can get my things pulled together before then. So listen up Mr. Franck. I'm gonna get you, and your little 'Grande Pièce Symphonique' too!

Catch-Up

I sometimes forget why I even have a blog. I'm still not sure why really, but I guess I just like to write down things that I am feeling at any given moment in time. Things in school are going OK I suppose. I am still not incredibly good at getting to my classes, but I am doing far better than I once did. I have already been to my classes more than I had in any of them last semester. That's an improvement. But at the same time, I find that I am still struggling with certain things in life that I doubt will ever fully fall into place where I want it. That's ok, though. It gives me some things to strive for. A good friend of mine visited this weekend. She is currently attending the Eastman School of Music in Rochester, NY. Just talking to her about life outside of BYU makes me want to try harder to get stuff done here so I can experience life outside of here. I want to grow as a musician, and I feel that I am reaching a plateau here at the Cougar U. So, hopefully, when next fall rolls around, I will find myself somewhere else (cough, cough... LONGY), but we'll see. Until then, I need to step up my game and get things done. I am a little behind in a couple of classes, but I am doing much better. I should be caught up by the end of this coming weekend. That will be nice.

So close!

So school starts in less than two weeks, and contrary to popular opinion, I am ready to go. I am, believe it or not, kinda tired of living in Provo and would like to try something new. I have been in contact with the Director of Admissions as well as the Head of the Early Music Department at Longy (the organ degrees are offered through that department, but I am not restricted to early music). Both have been very kind to me in regards to questions I have about the school. As I have stated before, this school is an amazing opportunity for me, and I would feel very honored to be accepted there. Auditions are being held in February. The Admissions director actually told me that, since there are very few organ applicants each year, they will most likely be able to work around my schedule if needed. That was pretty cool. Coming from BYU, where the music department has roughly 800 or so music majors, it will be quite a change. Longy has less than 250 students. So, if we did it by proportions, 15 out of 800 students are organists here at BYU. That would mean (proportionally, of course) that less than 4 out of the 250 students at Longy are organists. That would be awesome! Well, mainly because it would mean that I would get even more individual attention from my professors, especially as a graduate student. Anyway, not saying that number is accurate (still waiting to hear back from Professor Fitch), but it is still a neat place.

Either way, I am ready to move on to the next phase of my life, which will be getting underway shortly. I am hoping to be able to visit the school sometime before Thanksgiving in order to become somewhat acquainted with the facilities and the faculty there. Prof Fitch also told me that she would arrange for me to sit in on some classes while I'm there. That would also be cool. Anyway, so that's what I am looking forward to over the course of the next year. I am ready to move on to different things and to try something new. That's what life is about, right? I don't want to be stagnate, and this would really open up opportunities, such as church musicianship, that just are not available in the predominately-LDS Utah. So yeah, let's go!

What's in a name?

So I am sort of in the mood to be sentimental. Nothing too special, but I have been thinking lately about the nicknames I have acquired over the years. They have all been such fun, so I thought I would take a minute to relive them and share the meanings behind them. There aren't too many of them, so this shouldn't be too long. OK here goes...

1. "Little Green" & "Baby Green": - This nickname came as a result of being a freshman in High School while my older brother was a senior. Since we were both orchestra musicians, I wound up meeting a lot of his friends, and they gave me the first name. Later, others picked up on it but modified it to the second one seen here. Fun times, and even funnier that, even long after Marshall was gone, I maintained the name. Even today, a few stray friends from orchestra call me that :)

2. "Duckfluff":

- This one was a very humorous event. My sophomore year of High School, I started participating in the county honor student orchestra, the GCYS (Gwinnett County Youth Symphony). I met a lot of new people that year, and one of my fellow violists did not know my name. As a result of this unfortunate event, she started to call me "Duckfluff". She even admitted that there was nothing behind that name except as a place-holder of sorts. After I introduced myself officially, we still had a good time with the name. She called me "Duckfluff" and I quacked. Yes, weren't we just such obnoxious kids...

3. "Chopin":

- This name was given to me freshman year of College at the Cougar U. After performing a musical number in Church one of my first Sundays here, my fellow wardmates decided to dub me such...It is technically a misnomer, as I am an organist...Lol, but that's not really the point. I am still known by some people by that name. Some people that year never knew what my real name was until the year was almost over. Fun times.

4. "Green":

- This is not really a nickname, as it is just my last name. However, when I was on my mission, I was referred to as Elder Green, so when I got home after almost a year of that, I was not too used to hearing my name, so I stuck with Green. Easy enough.

5. "David C. Green":

- Again, this is not technically a nickname, but there was suddenly a mass decision that, since my facebook profile says "David C. Green", that I would be referred to as such. It's funny because now, when I meet new people, the conversation is "[Annette], this is David C. Green. David C. Green, this is [Annette]." Good times.

6. "David C." or "C. Green":

- Yeah, just the two possible combinations of #5. I rather like the C. Green one. Good times.

7. "DCG"

- Yep, you guessed it. The initials. Again, probably not a nickname, but it's also not flat-out my name, so I count it.

8. "Sneaky Meat"

- This is by far the best of the bunch. Yes, it does not make any sense to the naked eye, but it is very appropriate and humorous. A friend of mine (protecting the names of the innocent) noted that my middle name was "Cunningham". Cunning = Sneaky; Ham = Meat. Tada!!

So there you have it. I have gone through quite a few for various reasons, and I have sincerely enjoyed each one. You will note, of course, that "Dave" does not appear on this list. That's right. I do not go by that name...Ever...Someone tried it once, and he hasn't been heard from since ;) Just kidding, but seriously, it's not my name. Hope you enjoy this, and maybe it reveals a little more about me. I don't know...

Reflection on my Appearance

So, I have been reminded a lot recently about my weight...or the apparent lack of any. This reminded me of an incident I had as a missionary a few years ago. Mind you, I was living in Colorado and not some bizarre exotic locale where they eat bugs or something. I had been getting increasingly ill due to a number of issues such as my clinical depression as well as undiagnosed stomach difficulties. Needless to say, my appetite had been dropping like a bowling ball, and it wasn't pretty. In a matter of maybe two months, I went from weighing 138lbs (my highest recorded weight on my mission) to weighing 118lbs. At the time of my illnesses, I was serving as a companion to two other missionaries simultaneously, Elder A and Elder B. Surprisingly, in keeping them anonymous, I notice that their last names really did start with A and B...How ironical. Anyway, I had been serving with Elder B for a few months when we "inherited" Elder A, a missionary who was with us for two weeks before he was to go home (he was leaving a month early to return to BYU for summer term). So, after the two weeks were up, Elder A's father (Brother A) came to pick him up and go home. Elder A introduced him to me and Elder B. Brother A took one look at me and said, "You look like a meth addict." That was a pretty good indication that I was in bad shape. I've seen pictures of meth addicts, and it's not a pretty sight. It was somewhat of a wake-up call for me because I had only seen the subtle changes in my appearance and was not aware of just how drastic the end result was. About two weeks after this exchange, I was sent home from my mission on medical leave. All in all, I would say that I have never been as ill since then, which is good. However, I am constantly reminded of my inability to retain weight. One of my friends, BJ, has nicknamed me "Emaciated". It's fitting. It also makes me laugh.

It's true that I don't really take care of myself physically. To me, grocery shopping means soda, chocolate, and laundry money. No fruit/vegetables, no meats and cheeses. Just chocolate and soda. No wonder I have been required by my friends to take a multi-vitamin. Oh well. The point is, I have often been concerned about my weight, trying to avoid another crash like my first one. So far, so good. And for that I am pleased.

Exciting Discovery

So, I have been looking at all the graduate programs out there for me to apply to for the 2010-2011 school year. I remember being relatively dismayed that the three most popular choices in the Boston area (Boston Conservatory, Boston University, and New England Conservatory) do not offer a MM degree in Organ Performance. I admit it was saddening. So I was at work the other day and decided to look at all the music schools located in Massachusetts. When I put that search criteria in the Google bar (Massachusetts music schools), I was directed to one website that had a comprehensive list of every university/college/conservatory in the entire New England area. As I looked at schools that offered Master's degree programs, one school just happened to catch my eye, and I clicked the link to their site. Once there, I navigated to the degree programs and found that they do, in fact, offer the degree I was seeking. That was nice to find, and I noticed that it was located in Cambridge, MA. At the time, I was not even thinking clearly about where that was (it had not occured to me that was where Harvard is...). Sadly enough, I actually had to look it up on Google Maps just to see where that was...I'm horrible. Well, it all seemed nice enough, but then I got an even bigger surprise about the school in question. I decided to look at the faculty directory to see who taught organ at the school, and one of the two professors turned out to be none other than the great Peter Sykes. That may not mean anything to anyone but me, but Mr. Sykes was the man who transcribed "The Planets" by Gustav Holst for the organ. I have both the score and Sykes's own recording of his piece, and I have forever been in awe of his work. So, when I saw his name, I knew that I really had to look into this school more. Therefore, I have spent hours this week looking at this school, and I think it may just be the right school for me. In case you're still wanting to know, it is the Longy School of Music. I had not heard of it before, but upon further research, I discovered that E. Power Biggs (one of the greatest organists of the 20th century) taught there. That was even more incentive to look into it.

Now I know people wonder why I would be so interested in finding a school in or around Boston. The answer to that is: I want to be near my friends. I have a number of friends who are moving out east after graduating from BYU, and they are looking at living in or around Boston. I would love to be there with them, and now I actually have a chance to make it happen. Also, this school looks like one of the most amazing places in existence, so that will be something I would enjoy more than anything. So, there you have it. I have goals to meet. Woot! Now to just practice my stuff so I can really rock my audition.

Things

I decided to write again since it has been almost a month since I last wrote. Things have been going well in that month, though, which is always a plus. First off, I went home to Georgia for 3 weeks with my family. I enjoyed it very much, and I really had a good time with my folks. We did a lot of fun things, and it was just great. I got back Tuesday night, and I have to say that it is really weird that I am getting into a real schedule. Ever since my collapse, it has been very difficult to construct a schedule, yet Thursday morning I got up and went to work. I got there EARLY, too. That has not happened in a very long time, and never has that happened when I was supposed to be there in the morning. So, it's been very interesting that way.

Basically, all in all, I am doing very well lately. I still have not gotten back into a good practice schedule, though I did play in Church the three weeks I was home. That sorta helped me, in addition to once again salivating about graduate programs that I want to apply to. I want options, so I need to get back to work. I really think I could have a shot at all the schools I am looking at if I can just devote the proper amount of time to my work.

So, not that there is much for me to say today, but it just seemed like I should say something. I am expecting to start practicing again on Monday or Tuesday. Then all will be right with the world. Yay.

One Thing Still Missing

When I first went home to Georgia following my medical debacle during my church service assignment, I was not in good shape. Besides the obvious mental disaster occurring, I was not eating and I was just not in the mood to ever do anything. The biggest and scariest part was I had absolutely no desire to play the piano/organ/musical instruments...It was very saddening, both to myself as an avid musician and to my parents who knew how much joy it used to give me. I think it was at least a month and a half after switching to new medications before I even sat down at the bench and played one little piece. During the three or four months between my return home and that day, I could hardly stand being in the same room as that piano, and it was sad. Fortunately, with time, I got back into the swing of things and picked up where I had left off. Much happiness was had (and there was much rejoicing).
Unfortunately, that was not to last. This past semester, in which I again found myself in ruins, I noticed that one thing that resulted was my lack of desire and interest in performing music. That hurt. I hated going into the practice rooms cuz it made me sick at my stomach, and I hated my lessons even more because I had to play in order to get a grade. That was even worse.
I know authors/composers get writer's block, and I'm sure artists have similar woes, but what do you call it when a performer can't perform? Musician's block? Whatever it is, it sucks. Music performance is nothing without the "heart" and "soul" of a performer. I put those in quotations since I lack such things anyway...Either way, emotions and passion make music what it is, and I have noticed that I have felt no such passion for about 6 months now. I recently changed medications again (see last post), and now I am hoping that, given time, I will rekindle that desire to perform. I love the organ; it is the King of Instruments. I love to play, but I am just out-of-touch right now...It is the one thing still missing from my recent depression episode that I want back. I am hoping that, after my vacation in Georgia over the next couple of weeks, I will be able to start again. I have plans for the future, and I won't let illness stop me now! Music performance is joyous because of the love that the performer/s have for it. I want it back, and I will have it. So help me.

Change Can Be Good

So, I have been incredibly ill this semester. I have been unable to get myself out of bed with any sort of regularity since December, and that caused a lot of problems with my academia. I was aching all the time, and no matter how much sleep I got, I felt that I needed more. Needless to say, it was not a good place to be. I have been trying to get in to see a doctor at the BYU Health Center for the past month-ish, but I kept missing or rescheduling the appointments (because I couldn't get up...). Well, Friday it all changed. I got up, went to the doctor, and got stuff figured out. For one thing, she took away my Paxil (anti-depressant #2) because it is a sedating medication and replaced it with Wellbutrin (NEW anti-depressant #2) because it is a stimulator. Secondly, she upped the dosage of my Lexapro (anti-depressant #1) from 20mg to 30mg. Thirdly, she had the lab people take blood and (sorry...) urine samples to test for other possibilities as to my aches, pains, and sleepiness. Anyway, here we are on a nice Sunday night/Monday morning, and I am pleased to say that I am already feeling a LOT better. Since Friday, I have gotten up BEFORE noon every day, and I am not extremely tired the whole day. I was with friends at lunchtime and was telling them that I actually felt awake. While it is too early to say for sure that I am "all better", I do believe it is safe to say that I am "much better than I was". I am hoping that the bloodwork comes back negative for anything saddening, since now I am mostly convinced that my chronic aches were the result of untreated depression symptoms and that the fatigue was the result of those symptoms plus that DAMNED PAXIL!!! The Paxil was just the secondary medication, yet it was the one that had basically been controlling my functioning (or lack there of) for the past several months. Curses... Well, anyway, so now things are looking up. I am therefore planning to have a good summer filled with lots of good activities with friends and (for 3 weeks) family. I will actually be active and fun and stuff. Then, when Fall Semester comes around, I am gonna kick its ass, baby!

Too Tired

So, with the semester coming to its crushing finale, I am forced now to see the unhealthy fruits of a semester's waste of time. I have not done well this semester with any aspect of my education, and it is heart-breaking (Well...if I had one, it would be). Either way, I have lost a lot of ground this semester, and I think it mostly has to do with my lack of action concerning my health. As anyone who knows me well enough is aware, I am clinically depressed. By that, I mean I am ill, physically, and not just "oh, I had a bad day." It's really more of a "I had a bad...all-the-time". I am on medication (my "happy pills" that keep me semi-functional), but I think that there might be more to it than just the depression. This semester, it has become gradually more difficult to get out of bed in the morning, and within the past month or so, I have experienced soreness and achings that were not there before. While these may be more physical manifestations of existing problems, I am slightly concerned that I may have CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome). It is a condition defined by aches and such, as well as never feeling rested. When I first returned home from my church service assignment over 2 1/2 years ago, I could not remember the last time I had a good night's sleep. I still am not sure if I have ever had one, most certainly not within the last year. It sucks because even when I get up and get my day started, I am still exhausted easily, and it is not a fun feeling to be stuck with. So, I have made a doctor's appointment (a few weeks ago that I rescheduled twice and then missed flat-out) for this coming Monday to perhaps see if there really is more to my condition than originally thought. If not, then I may consider a change in my medications to include one that deals with physical pains of depression (like Cymbalta). Basically, the next few weeks will hopefully see some changes in my well-being so that I am not so out of it. I want to have a fun summer of work/practice/friends, but it won't be nearly as fun or productive if I spend most of the day in bed completely drained. So yeah, fun times await us as we look into this. Won't that be fun...

Sometimes it's almost enough to...

So I had a lot to think about this past weekend. My mom came to visit me from home (Atlanta, GA), and it was a most lovely visit. That is an impressive distance of about (and this is just a rough estimate) 2530 km (1572 miles). Yeah, apparently I am worth that. I had been a bit down lately, through a variety of difficulties including poor health. Actually, I think that has been THE difficulty. I am always tired, I ache, and I just feel out of it in general. So, since she is the best mom in the world, she came out here and we spent almost 3 full days together doing fun things.
When I say that I had a lot to think about, it mainly came to be that my mom really wants me to go home for the summer. She said I could just rest up, not do anything, chill, etc. and then come back to school for the fall. Now, I had never really thought of that before. While I have been here pretty constantly since my return to school in August 2007, I never seem to overly loathe being here (snow excluded). So, when she told me that was what she thought was best for me, I had a lot of thinking to do. I weighed the pros and cons, and I was really troubled by just how much she wanted me to come home. So, given the options, I still decided that I would like to be here for the summer. Here being Provo. My mom noted that I had not had a real vacation in a while, mainly in that I didn't do anything fun last summer. Then I realized that there was a lot going on this summer that I would be missing if I went home. My friends that I have become close to over the past year, plus those that I have spent the year before last with, will all be here this summer. I also made plans to work 4 days per week and to take time off when I need it.
Granted, I still have plans to go home for a few weeks to see the family, as it would be sad not to, but I just can't see myself enjoying an entire summer at home. I would feel lazy, uninterested in things, and I would undo a lot of the social progression that I have made in the past year-plus.
So, while I would love to always make my mother happy, since she is the best person ever, I will have to go with what I feel is best for me and stay here for the summer. Hmmm...Now how to tell her...Sigh...

Because I'm bored...

So, it's been well over a month since I last wrote anything here, and not that anything exciting has really happened in my life since then, but whatever. So maybe I'll just write to say that I am tired, or that my back hurts. By the way, both are true today.
I will say that I have noticed that I am in a financial disaster at present. I blame myself because I just have not been very good with money since I came back to school a year and a half ago. I just haven't. So, here I am with too much credit card debt, plus being severely overdrawn in my Wachovia account...Sigh...So, what to do...Well, my mom and I talked and I think I will be taking out a student loan. Then I can have money enough to pay off the credit cards, pay the overdraft, and have MONEY! Like, real money. Money I can use to pay rent, money I can use to pay tuition stuff, and money to buy food! OK so the last part is a bit of a stretch, but you get the idea. I mean, summer is coming up, so I would start to make more money, but I need to make money that I can set aside for other things. So I can actually start to BUILD an income, not just live paycheck to paycheck. Granted I know I am severely addicted to CD-shopping, and while that will most likely not go away anytime soon, I am learning how to be more conservative and to WAIT. It's hard, but it's just what I have to do for now.
Anyway, I really have nothing else to say, but it feels nice to actually write something for the first time in a while. Ciao.

It breaks what would be my heart

Yes, I know that I am not an emotional or caring person for the most part, but I am very saddened today. I was just on facebook (not entirely out of the ordinary), and I found out that a lovely woman from my ward, who moved a few years ago, is now getting a divorce from her husband. Why? He left her in October for his girlfriend! I was disgusted. Here is a couple who have been married for 11 years, had 3 children together (the third pregnancy causing the wife considerable difficulty), and then he just up and leaves. It sickens me. I was, needless to say, not impressed. I think if I were to ever see him again (he was a former YM leader in my ward), I would kick him in the nuts.

Marriage is of the utmost importance to me, which is why I say I never will get married. I am not one of the emotional maturity to support myself plus my spouce, so I have said it will probably never be so. I respect and admire people who have been married for years and years, working side by side to see things through. I have no tolerance for those that walk out on their husbands/wives for the sake of "newness" in another relationship. I'm sorry, but that's not what you promised each other, or God for that matter, when you were married. It's even more sickening when it is a couple married in the temple (LDS technobabble, sorry...). There are a lot of things said in that ceremony that are beautiful promises given. Why give those up? I don't really know some people's rationales, but I am not too certain I would want to hear them attempt to defend their choices. I just wouldn't.

I look to my wonderful parents and their parents as role models. My parents have been married for over 25 years (27 this June), and I am so proud of them. I'm sure that I and my almost-as-crazy siblings have been a difficult lot to handle, but they have done amazing things in their lives and I love them so much. Likewise, my grandparents are amazing. My dad's parents were married just over 60 years when my grandpa passed away. He (Pa, we called him) was married for a very brief time to someone when he was much younger, like fresh out of high school, but she left him. He and his wife (Meemah), were married in 1942, and stayed together through thick and thin until his passing in March of 2003. My mom's parents were also married in 1942, and they were married for over 50 years before my grandfather's passing (we called him Granddad) in January of 1996. They are incredible people, and even if they don't know it, they mean the world to me in how they taught me to behave as a person.

Though I am sure that every couple will have difficulties in life, there should never be a reason for such betrayal as leaving your spouse for the company of another man/woman. There just isn't. When you marry someone, you agree to be with him/her for as long as you live (or "for time and eternity" in the LDS church). No wedding that I am aware of has a statement such as "to have and to hold, until you find someone hotter [or richer, funnier, wittier, etc.]). There are things that are inexcusable, such as an abusive spouse (like my Great-Aunt Martha Raye's ex-husband) that necessitates termination of the marriage. Of course I would choose divorce over such an awful relationship. It's the ones that end because someone decides they wanna move on to someone else that makes me unhappy.

So, for Valentine's Day this year, remember why you are with the one you chose at the altar, church, hotel ballroom, wherever, and renew that promise you made in that ceremony. Those that have had their hearts broken by an unfaithful spouse, know that I am so sorry for you, and I wish you the best in moving forward to making a happy new life for yourselves. Those that are contemplating such a dastardly deed, STOP! Don't do it!! Please?!?!?!

Thanks for reading (like anyone actually *does*...). But, I felt like I had to put that out there.

Yep, Still Up at 3:20am!

So, what else do you do this time of night? Blog! What do you talk about? I have no earthly idea! Eh, so let's just talk fun stuff. I like music, a lot. I got an 8-disc set of much of Stravinsky's orchestral music/ballets/etc. It's beautiful. I love to listen to music a lot, and I love to play even more. That's why it makes me sad that I have not been feeling well lately. The first things to go when I am not well are class attendance and practice time. Yeah, both have been almost non-existant for over a week now. It hurts. Granted, when I am up this late at night, it stands to reason that I would not get up on time the next morning, but the thing is that I used to do this all the time freshman year and during high school before that. So, why can I not do that anymore? Well, part of the problem is that I take medication that always makes me tired, so no matter what time of day it is, I am tired. That is usually my stock answer for when people ask me how I am. Yep, cuz it's always true. I try and push past it as best I can, especially since I have been on these medications for over two years now; you'd think I'd be used to them. I try, really I do, but it just isn't adding up. This semester has been a wreck already, and we're only a month in. I just need a weekend to cool down and just not do anything, but then I get depressed from not doing anything, and then I get out of shape again and stop doing stuff i.e. go to class. So, it's a weird cycle that I never fully understand.

In other news, I am happy to report that my little sister is done with physical therapy! Since most of you have no idea what I'm talking about (assuming anyone is actually reading this), I will tell you. Back during the fall, she was playing with a neighbor boy and he was spinning her around in the front yard. Well, the boy proceeded to drop my sister...on her head. Well, her neck hurt really bad from that, and so she had to wear a brace and take nice pills. Well, as she went to the doctor a few weeks later, they determined that she had actually had a concussion, and that since they did not realize it the first time around, she had developed post-concussive syndrome, meaning her brain had been injured and needed to heal. So she was out of commission for two weeks. After that, in order to get her headaches and neckaches to go away, she went to physical therapy. I took her to a couple of her sessions while I was home for Christmas. But, talking to Mom the other day, I have since found out that she is done and back to her old self (yes, we'll call it a good thing). Yeah, she's a good kid.

Other than that, I am just sitting around gathering dust on my lazy ass, so I am going to go now. Maybe I'll go to bed...What a novel idea!!

6 months older and none the wiser

So, yesterday was my half-birthday. Yes, my family celebrates those with my mom baking this wonderful chocolate chip cookie cake. Soooo good. So, I started to think about my life in the past 6 months. It shocked me how much life has changed for me since July. First off, I have a blog...Hm, I never saw that one coming. I just naturally assumed that blogs were for people who had interesting things to talk about (i.e. not me). Either way, I have one, and I use it occasionally. Also, I have severely rethought my graduate school plans. If you had asked me back in July where I was going for my master's degree, I would've rolled my eyes and said, "Duh, BYU." Now I am almost deathly allergic to the idea of staying here for grad school. So what changed? Well, for one, I want to get out and see things. I want to go somewhere different (yeah, Utah is not for me), and I want to learn more. I think if I could take my organ professor with me, I'd do that. He is an awesome teacher and I have enjoyed studying with him, but I need to get away from here. That was big when I decided on that. That's not to say that I would rather not go to grad school at all than stay here. I have a select list of places that I am looking at for school, and should none of them work out then I will stay here for my master's. I also think that I finally have a solid group of friends that help me with anything and everything. I greatly appreciate them for that. I have always sort of been a drifter, not really having a group of friends that I am ALWAYS with, but now I do. I love it. Anyway, I don't care to discuss too much here, but I have enjoyed the path my life has taken in the past six months. Here's to another six that are equally memorable and enjoyable.

Vacation Over, Back to Work

So, I had an excellent vacation away from the stresses of school and Utah in general. The only stuff I had to worry about was what to get members of my family for Christmas. Granted, it was a bit harder than I originally thought, seeing as how I do not live with them and thus do not regularly interact with them. Oh well, that's just how life goes. I got all three CD sets I wanted (Britten, Prokofiev, and Hindemith), plus many more, and several things that were very pleasant surprises, such as a digital camera. Now I can actually take pictures...a lot. So yeah, in addition to all that, my mother and I ate at all our favorite places, such as Kirin House (a marvelous Japanese steak house) and Atlanta Bread Company (it's like Panera, but way better). But, now that all my shenanigens are over, I am back in Provo, where I have been greeted by awful amounts of snow...It makes me sad.

But, here we are back at BYU, and I already have 20% attendance for the first two days. In my defense, I have been sick since Thursday, so I am still getting over that. Besides, the first day of class is usually pointless anyway, so I don't feel overly guilty. I made a promise to myself to be better with attendance, even if I am not feeling overly well that day. I like school, really I do, but I let myself wear down to a point where I cannot function properly. So, we are identifying the factors that contribute to my less-than-ideal health, and eliminating them. So, all will be peachy keen now, right?

Anyway, so in other news, poor Tony has left us for greener (or whiter, since he's in the snowy Midwest) pastures, so I have decided to devote my whole week to acting out the 5 stages of grieving. I don't know where I come up with this crap, but it has been fun so far. Yesterday I was in denial that he was leaving, and today I am angry. Tomorrow is bargaining (either with him or with God), Thursday is depression (I'm an expert in *that* field already), and then acceptance comes Friday. Yay!

I have also decided to start posting random things I say that people react to on here. So, on Sunday, at Tony's/Andrew Snow's apt, I made the following statement:
"Syphilis is just a made-up disease that people use as an excuse for acting crazy after they have sex."
I don't know why I say things like that, but I am just weird, so it happens.

Well, that's all I can think of, so peace be with you, and an extra piece for *you*.